Extreme Ramblings

Colleagues actually think that I'm a quiet and super guai girl, who stay home most of the time and doesn't go around partying, and even if I do go out I have to reach home by, say 10p.m., in order to obey to the curfew set by my parents. They also assume I'm the type of girl who has never been to a pub before and would go drunk immediately at a single sip of Heineken, not to mention hard liquor like Chivas.

Aaaaawww, don't u find them cute?

Miss all my dear frens who know my true colour so well suddenly... =)

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The super huge McD (erm, in Batu's standard lah) with drive-thru service is officially in operation today!!!!! Woohoo!!~ Looks kinda grand, doesn't it? =D

Sorry the pic is abit sucky. Haha.. Took it from the car =P

Miss Hu Yi Jie, at last Batu's McD is in the same position as ur Sitiawan's!! HMPH!!! Lol... XD XD

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Our P105 senior, Ai Lynn, was transferred to my department last week. Gosh, I was seriously delighted!! Finally someone whom I can talk to about the devilish Mr. Pepsi (too bad she actually finds Mr. Pepsi "hen hao!!") and the beloved Scotland and receive some appropriate responds!! Hehe...

I really have to thank her here, for making my life much more colourful than it used to be a week ago, and for inviting me and Pei Fung out for lunch thus saving us from the everyday-same-lauk-money-sucking canteen. Thanks very much, Ai Lynn!! =)

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Jeng jeng~~ The much feared Thalidomide!! Hmm.. Very plain hor? Doesn't look all that intimidating, no? Should at least have a shocking pink coating like EES what. Glamour sikit ma.. =P

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The handbag I bring to work everyday. Yeah, me with a handbag?? Hard to imagine, right? But can't possibly bring my sling bag to work eh ma. Am gonna look like a freak!! Haha..

The handbag is from Polo. Got 70% discount. Kaka.. Damn cheap loh and that's why I bought it. Not because I liked it so much that I gave in to temptation or whatsoever stuffs like that loh.. Sigh.. Aunty dao.. XP

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Last but not least, the vintage-looking Kang Kang!!!!! XD XD Looks like he's from the 70's, no? Eh eh, it wasn't me, ok? It was mum's idea!! The spec belongs to her hor!!! XD XD XD

I never knew "meh" could be used like this...

Below is an article I plagiarized from Yahoo! News at http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081117/ap_on_re_eu/eu_britain_new_word.

"'Meh': Apathetic expression enters dictionary

LONDON – At least someone is excited about "meh."

The expression of indifference or boredom has gained a place in the Collins English Dictionary after generating a surprising amount of enthusiasm among lexicographers.

Publisher HarperCollins announced Monday the word had been chosen from terms suggested by the public for inclusion in the dictionary's 30th anniversary edition, to be published next year.

The origins of "meh" are murky, but the term grew in popularity after being used in a 2001 episode of "The Simpsons" in which Homer suggests a day trip to his children Bart and Lisa.

"They both just reply 'meh' and keep watching TV," said Cormac McKeown, head of content at Collins Dictionaries.

The dictionary defines "meh" as an expression of indifference or boredom, or an adjective meaning mediocre or boring. Examples given by the dictionary include "the Canadian election was so meh."

The dictionary's compilers said the word originated in North America, spread through the Internet and was now entering British spoken English.

"This is a new interjection from the U.S. that seems to have inveigled its way into common speech over here," McKeown said. "Internet forums and e-mail are playing a big part in formalizing the spellings of vocal interjections like these. A couple of other examples would be 'hmm' and 'heh.'

"Meh" was selected by Collins after it asked people to submit words they use in conversation that are not in the dictionary. Other suggestions included jargonaut, a fan of jargon; frenemy, an enemy disguised as a friend; and huggles, a hybrid of hugs and snuggles."

Hmm... Interesting, isn't it? I always thought "meh" is a Malaysian- or Singaporean-created noun being abused for the expression of doubt. For example, "Like that one meh?". Just like how I feel like asking, "Got ppl use 'meh' like this one meh?" now. Erm.. U got me?

Wild Thoughts

Realized it's quite easy to commit suicide in the satellite pharmacy.

See ya.. Drugs like Phenytoin, Theophylline, Digoxin and etc. are all within reach. Drugs of which a slight tiny bit of overdosage could lead to fatal consequences.

And these drugs could be given without the need of a pakar's counter-sign.

If I were to take a few more out while filling in prescriptions and hide them in my pocket and send them all down my throat with some water over lunch time...

Nyek nyek nyek nyek nyek......

Shit... I must have been too stressed out at work dy...

P/S. Just got to know today that a box of Olanzapine (28 biji) costs around RM400-500!!!!! And gov hosps are giving them out at the cost of a symbolic RM1 only!!!!! If u happen to be a gov servant, u dun even have to pay a single cent!! OMG!!!!! Malaysian's gov hosp ROCKS!!!!! XD =P

Am I progressing too fast?

Catching up with my work dy.

Learning more & more stuffs by days.


But......


I'm starting to lose faith,

and passion...


......


Why do I have to head straight to the last stage without even going through a brief period of enjoying-my-current-job moment???

Sigh...

TGIF!!!!!~~~

TGIF!!!!!~~~

Aaaaaah aaaaahhh!! Wow Wooooow!! Weeeee Weeeeeeee!! Woooooh wooooooooooooH!!

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~

Relief eh!! I'm both mentally & physically tired dy.. Need a rest.. This morning almost couldn't get out of bed. Whole body aching... Like an Ah Po..

But note, I said relief. Not happy. Yeah, I dunno why but I'm not all that happy with the weekend's arrival. Feel abit uneasy and anxious in fact. Can't sit still. Kept sighing. Abit hot temper. Weird huh? That shouldn't be my reaction towards my first precious weekend off what...

Am I too stressed out? I shouldn't be what.. Ppl said HBP very free geh?

Anyway, gotta update abit on my working life here...

Offically started working on 4th Nov. 3rd just went there fill forms & chit-chat XD So will regard 4th Nov as my first day of work from this point onwards.

Was sent to inpatient department. Well, first day was disastrous. Was C.O.M.P.L.E.T.E.L.Y lost. Yes, I am not being humble here. Felt like a piece of shit. Trolley full of Rx started coming in the moment I arrived. EVERYONE expected me to know what I was supposed to do!!

But the fact is, I just stood there helplessly. Staring blindly at the dispensers, PRPs, and FRPs rushing about here & there, having no idea wth were they doing. No one even cared to bother me. Probably they thought I was supposed to know what's going on...

Then I approached & consulted a PRP. She showed me the right way to handle a Rx and filled in all the requested medications so professionally. I looked at her with admiration only to find out later that she's a UKM graduant and it was her FIRST day in the inpatient department as well!!!!! WHAT???!! I mean, I know local students are damn geng lah, but I never expect them to know sooooooooooo much eh!!! I was like a piece of trash standing next to her...

Lucky she was nice. So I followed her to handle a few Rx and tried to start handling one on my own. Gosh. It was tough. I couldn't even locate the drugs! U see, some were arranged in alphabetical order, some according to diseases, some on another cupboard, some in the back room, some were simply placed on the table, and some under the table!! @_@???

How organize can they be? I wonder if all hosp. are the same or it's just HBP?

As if this wasn't bad enough, I was told that List A drugs have to be counter-signed before dispensing and certain dispenses drugs have to be recorded. Blurred to the max. So I asked, " What are List A drugs?" only to get "Very hard to say. Something like expensive drugs that can only be given by specialist." So I continued, "So is there anywhere that I can read up on this?" and got "No. Only by experience..." (o_O")

Then I pursued, "So what are the drugs that have to be recorded?" which again I got "Expensive drugs"...

HOW ON EARTH AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW LAH????? It's not like they label the drugs with their respective prices..

So I kept asking questions regarding the location of drugs, whether they have to be counter-signed, how much should I dispense (can't give out too many drugs of which the stocks are running low of which I had no idea at all), blah blah blah blah blah blah...

Was a complete annoyance. Kept interrupting others' work by asking stupiak questions. Felt extremely useless + embarassed. A burden to the entire department. They could work faster and better without my existence...

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......

Was in a very bad mood by the end of the day. When it was about 5p.m., there was nothing much left to do. All the FRPs, PRPs, and dispensers sat down to relax and chat. I was so tensed up that I had no mood to join them. I walked around the dispensary, trying to get myself familiar with the location of the drugs...

Oh, did I mention that they label some drugs according to generic name and some according to brand name?? Did I mention that even doctors prescribed drugs in brand name?? Flagyl sounds very much like bulk laxative to me but it's Metronidazole in fact. Diamox = Acetylzolamide, Gelusil = Magnisium Trisylicate & etc etc etc...

???????????????????????????????????????

Was extremely frustrated & depressed at the end of the day. Mum knew I had had a hard day so she made me super super nice dinner to console me. Hehe.. so sweet of her... At least that made my day much better.. =)

Lucky thing was that my last minute hardwork din go to waste. Starting to catch up on the 2nd day. Did everything faster and gathered up enough courage to answer phonecalls from the ward (even though most of the time I couldn't answer and would just pass the phone to the FRPs). I also asked much lesser questions, found most of the drugs, and even pointed out the location of some to another PRP when he couldn't find it! Aaaaahhh... The sense of achievement... =)

Then I started following FRP to the ward to do bedside counselling. Had seen them giving counselling on eye drops, aerochamber, and Humapen so far liao... =)

Volunteered to handle Imprest Floor Stock. Can now do it on my own liao.. Also, learned about the procedure of dispensing DD today.. =)

At least I don't feel so blur anymore...

BUT, I still make mistakes when dispensing first-time-handled drugs. Just kena tegur-ed today for not recording the dispensing of some "expensive" drugs and for dispensing too much (din realize 1 box of Clexane contains 2amps). Felt bad lah of course. But no one really took the initiative to teach me starting from the first day leh. Mostly, I learned on my own, by asking and by making mistakes. But I hate learning from mistakes... The feeling of making mistakes and kena tegur is awful... Moreover, life's at stake!!!

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......

I paling hate the "only-experience-can-tell" part... It renders me helpless...

I wish the FRPs could guide us (PRP) more. They are nice and friendly. I am glad to have them. The only thing is that, they know the PRP are incompetent and lack essential knowledge, but they seemed to take no action about it leh. They always look very busy. So I didn't even dare to bother them with my stupiak questions. Was hoping that maybe one day when they are free they would teach.

But know what? I saw one of them playing Bejeweled-look-alike game in the resting room today... (-__-") Maybe just taking a short break after a long stressful day ba... Hmm...Dunno leh... Hope I would learn more as time goes by le...

Anyway, am lazy to continue this super long post liao.. Haha.. I'm OK dy le.. I will jia you de.. The passion is still there. I will make sure I work very hard de. I promised myself to be a good pharmacist already. So I must thrive to achieve it!! Let's work towards our targets ba, all IMU-Mpharm-graduated PRPs!!!!! HEK!!!!! =)

P/S. I super agree with Ming in hating IMU. But I'm more specific lah. I only hate IMU Mpharm program coordinators. Think Bpharm is quite OK lah...

LONG LIVE OBAMA!!!!!!

Congratulations on ur landslide victory!!!!! YAY!!!!! ^O^

Amateur Pharmacist

OK. Gotta cut long story short. Super tired.

Woke up at 430a.m. Travelled to JB. Arrived in Wisma Persekutuan. Took form & completed within 5mins. Done. Rushed 2 Menara Sarawak immediately. Apparently Menara Sarawak has been renamed as Menara Cyberport liao.

Only 9 of us today. Got one super outspoken Malay Gal from University of London. With accent! Cheh wah! Was late but challenged Head of Dep when tegur-ed for the wrongly stated building name. "U all SHOULD change the address". Wah...

All were assigned to the desired hosp. Happy! Small batch no competitor ma.

Oh ya. Ja Yee and Chew Yee din lapor. Appealed.

Rushed back to BP when everything was done. Reported at Hosp. Batu Pahat together with Pei Fong. Attempted 3 times only managed to park into a spacious parking lot. Shit.

Person in charged not around. Head of Pharmacy on leave for the day. Waited & waited while chatting. Finally at 420p.m. got the forms and started filling in. Handed in docs after that. Super kelam-kabut. Office hour over liao ma.. Finally got everything settled at 530p.m. The akak was pretty nice. =)

Supposed to report at Pharmacy Outpatient Department after filling in forms. But pharmacist all balik rumah dy at that time. So happily went back home. Kaka..

Mum cooked dinner. Yum yum.. But no appetite. Dunno why. Maybe too tired liao.

So tomolo is gonna be the first official working day. Wish me luck ba!! =)

P/S. A bit sien when come to think that I gotta sleep super early later and wake up super super super early (in my standard lah) tomolo morning and have B.R.E.A.D. as breakfast (equivalent to poison in my standard). Life's wonderful... (>_<")

kIND@ bORed hEre...

Craved for "dao sah beng" so bad the other day. So I went to The Summit Parade Batu Pahat to get some. Mana tau the shop sudah "chap lap"!!!!! I went around the floor it used to be in to see if it had shifted but it was up to no good.. =(

But there was a surprise discovery. I saw a music store playing this MV:

Like Whoa by Aly & AJ!!

Whoa!! I never knew Batu's music sense could be so "in" wei!! Seeing that these gals aren't really that famous, I was really surprised that there are actually ppl in Batu (except for me) who knew them!!

Honestly, Malaysia's music sense is quite advanced. At least we Malaysians are kepo enough that we know most of the pop celebrities and songs on the market. Guess that's because the section most of us never miss when reading a newspaper is Entertainment. Am I not right? =)

Shopped for CDs in HMV Glasgow last time. The "Best-selling albums" were those that I listened to when I was in Taylor's!! Robbie Williams, Ronan Keating & etc.!!!!!! Kill me!! I wonder if it's a UK's or Glasgow's problem. Cause other European countries seem much better eh... When I was in Greece, I even heard Kenny G version of Jay Chow's "AnJing" song in their metro station!!! WOW!! So "in"!!

I chatted with some of our Glaswegian classmates during one boring EBM session. I opened my eyes big big & told them excitedly, "Oh Gosh!! Rihanna is coming to SECC!!!!!" Still remember clearly the "Huh?? Who's that?" expression on their faces and their polite smiles.

Ouch!! I was acting like a total idiot if not because one of them (only one!!) said in a as-a-matter-of-fact tone, "Oh, Rihanna.". Full stop!! And they turned to each other to discuss on the progression of their research project like nothing just happened!!! What??! Don't they even feel a bit bit excited that some huge celebrity is coming to their town??? Oh well, at least from being an idiot I was promoted to a retarded fella who cared more over American's music industry than my studies...

Why ah why ah? If Rihanna were to come to Batu Pahat, I would go all the way out to see her loh.. I mean, I am not a huge fan of hers lah. Not to mention that "Ella Ella Eh Eh" and the "Pls Don't Stop The.. Pls Don't Stop The Music" songs are rather retarded loh... XP It's the celebrity factor!! The "Oh wow!! I saw Rihanna live and took pictures of her!!!" factor!! No?

Don't Twitch Ur Lips the Wrong Way

Half of Dad's right eye was suddenly covered with blood shots the night before yesterday's. Dad suffers from slight glaucoma. In fact, both of his eyes were found to be infected around 3 weeks ago. He was prescribed with 2 months of antibiotic eye ointment. The worsening of condition in spite of constant application of medication got him extremely worried. So were mom & I.

Accompanied Dad to the hospital the next morning.

Since Dad had no appointment that day, he rushed to the counter and asked the nurses on duty if they could arrange for an emergency appointment to see the doctor immediately. Dad told them he was very very worried because of the redness and that he had glaucoma. He even removed his glasses to show them the blood shots.

Not only did they refuse, one stupiak nurse there farking SMIRK!!

What?!! What's so funny with my dad's blood-shots-filled eye? Have u no sympathy? Smirk what fark lah?!!

Damn angry eh!! Felt like punching her in the face!! Argh!!

What kinda stupiak attitude was that??

In the end Dad was arranged to be among the last to be seen by the doctor, for he had no appointment and we were already considered late by the time we registered. Waited for almost 4 hours in the hospital doing nothing.

Beh song!!

Luckily the doctor who examined Dad was very very nice. Listened to Dad's complaint and examined him carefully. Was very patient as well.

Dr. Noor ruled out the possibility of hypertension & worsening of glaucoma after examining Dad's eye. Dr. Noor said the redness was due to injury of the blood vessel, just like the normal bruises on skin. Maybe Dad exerted too much strength and the pressure leads to rupture of a small blood vessel and thus bleeding. But it wasn't serious so Dr. Noor asked us not to worry. She also prescribed some medications for Dad.

Phew... What a relief... Thank Goodness Dad was ok.. =)

Think all healthcare proffessionals should look up to Dr. Noor loh! Be empathy, patient, and most importantly, ready to serve without discrimination loh!! Giving a farking smirk when patients tell u their suffers wouldn't help in any sense!! Sh*t!!

P/S. Dad's eye's condition has improved. Thanks very much for all the regards and concerns expressed. =)

cONvO PorTR@It =P

K k... Enough emo-ing.. Keep it aside first. Arrival of convo portrait has totally lightened me up. The original digital version is too big a size liao. Have compressed it. See see..

The fake "bookshelf" abit de senget XD

Think they have got the job well done. At least I didn't look that fat lah. Chin sharp sharp like that. Keke.. Chic pox scars also removed liao. =P

Actually the portrait was supposed to arrive in September de loh. Most of my frens already got theirs. So I called Fotorex up yesterday to check if mine was lost on the way. The lady who spoke to me was very aunty lah. Haha.. but she was very nice. She kept apologizing and promised that my portrait would arrive today.

And it really did arrive this afternoon!! A super big pack including a frame!! Hmm.. I remembered paying for the RM90 package leh. Thought there is no complimentary frame? Also hor, there are three 3R-sized photos given as well. Thought the package only includes 2? AND, the portrait was of canvas material wor!! I thought only the RM130 package comes in canvas? Tak paham betul! ?_?

But it's not like I'm unhappy with that lah.. Kakaka.. Untung dao!! XD

Maybe that aunty was abit blur or what. Or maybe she was guilty for the late delivery that's why she gave me a good deal as compensation? Kakaka.. Hmm.. or maybe they are indeed complimentary. Dunno leh.

Anyway hor, I think Fotorex's packages are relatively value for money loh. At least the RM90 one is lah. Unlike the Strathclyde one which is darn freaking expensive and with no frame and NO touch-up loh. Hehe.. So, juniors, if anyone of u is reading this, just go ahead when it's ur turn next year ba!! Unless u have a fren whose family runs photography business like our fabulous Wei Meng Koko lah. Then of course it's much more worthy to close the deal with them. They would definitely charge a lower price and do a better job. Just like our Wei Meng Koko who received excellent review for the Strathclyde convo photoes he did for our batchmates. If Wei Meng Koko offers a deal to u all hor, fai fai accept ah!! Haha.. XD

K lah K lah. Dinner time dy. Hungry. Bye!

Hypersensitivity

"Sometimes you're just too sensitive..."

Well, I KNOW I'm very sensitive sometimes...

Not the first time being told this already,

but it still hurt

especially if it comes from the ones u care most.

I too HATE myself for being so sensitive,

but I dunno what I can do about it.

I wonder if my sensitivity is caused by caring too much. I care about how others feel. I dun wan anyone to feel hurt. I want to be considerate. I want everyone around me to feel happy. I'm just trying my best!

But being caring = being sensitive to ppl's happiness and sadness. But being sensitive can sometimes lead to hypersensitivity. And hypersensitivity ALWAYS leads to misunderstanding.

When ppl need to be cared, u try to provide them with that. But sometimes ppl appreciate, sometimes they don't. And when they don't, they find it a bother. Maybe I tried too hard? I dunno.

Yes, I understand what I feel best for others might not be what they want.

I wish I could be care-free. I wish I could be ignorant. I wish I could be indifferent towards everyone and everything around me.

But wouldn't that make me a cold-blooded creature? What's more, experiences already prove to me that when I become indifferent, ppl think I don't care for them anymore. Ppl feel hurt.

Ppl EXPECT u to understand!!!

Care also wrong, don't care also wrong. What the??? Got such thing like care abit bit and don't care abit bit ah?? When's the right time to care and to not??

Stuck in the middle of nowhere. Just like my current situation. Idle in life. Not moving forward nor going backward. Just stuck in a stage of life that I'm not totally comfortable with. Emptiness. With no aim.

I think the frustration, uncertainty, fear, pressure, and problems bothering me are the causes of my hypersensitivity lately. I feel depressed. I'm upset most of the time.

Just because I don't say it out it doesn't mean I've got nothing to worry about!

No suitable one is there to tell... No one is there to understand...

Trying too hard to act tough and care for others at the same time. I'm tired.

Could somebody pls tell me what to do? To being indifferent but caring? To being caring but not over sensitive? To not being annoying??

L.O.S.E.R

P/S.: Xin, if u happen to be reading this, do u know if there's anything to listen to or chant at to find peace in mind? If u don't, could u pls ask ur mum on my behalf? Being a devoted Buddhist, I believe she knows something about this. Thanks very much...

iT's @LL AbOUt hWOoD

Helo!! Me Maria. Just done grocery shopping with Ma'am. It's teatime now. So Maria has some free time to blog. XD

Maria masak another new dish 2 days ago. Chai Po (sweet radish) baked hwish. Maria tiru the recipe from a cooking book. Rasa not bad, tetapi abit too sweet lah. Maria think it's the problem of the chai po. Maybe next time should use the salty type instead.

Macam fish pie hor? Sebenarnya 3 slices of thick slicked hwish.

OK OK. Switch identity to Pei Ling. Got serious stuff to tell.

It's Raya yesterday. So Maria was off for the day. Dad & bro-in-law went to tapao "dai chao" for dinner. Haiyo. Not enough lah. Our whole family big size + big eaters mah. I wasn't even 20% full when all the dishes were already gone.. =(

Not full = bad mood de loh. So, I screamed (jokingly lah):

"KOKO!!!!! I'm still hungry!!!!! BUY ME ZINGER BURGER!!!!!!!!!!~~ Craving!!"

Was expecting either reaction number 1:

"Haaaaaaaar? HAHAHA! Go eat shit lah!"

or maybe reaction number 2:

"Walau!! Still not full meh? U think u still very slim ah?"

when I heard

"OK. No problem. What else u want?"

and he really went out right after that to get me the burger!! OOH!! Happy!!! =D

Was very very de touched loh. He seldom pamper me so much de loh. Hehehe... =) See see my ai4 xin1 Zinger burger!! ^^

Ooh huhu... Suspense.. What's inside?

Tada!!!!! Yum yum!!! Almost 2 year since I last had Zinger burger eh!! *Slurp* =P

THANK YOU, KOKO!!!!! =D

Hehe.. Mum cooked meehoon soup this afternoon. Think it looks very de tempting & seductive. Took a picture of it.

Oosh!! Yum!! Mama, cook for me, pls!!!!! *drool*

OK lah. Maria wanna go eat her kuih liao. Later gotta go sweep floor & cook dinner liao. Tata!!

P/S. Good luck to all of u who start work tomolo!! Whoa!! Another stage of life!! Congrats!! =)

LeT Ur s@LivA dROoL~~~

Muahahaha... I made this!! I made this!!!

Nice leh? Nice leh? Nyek hehehe...

It was an attempt to immitate this dish from the Keyaki Japanese Restaurant in Pan Pacific Hotel (Singapore).

The genuine version

Kakaka.. Not bad what. At least got 90% similarity mah, no?

Taste wise, of course Keyaki's version better lah. The bacon taste of my version was a wee bit too strong liao. The middle part of the prawn was a wee bit too soft, too. See? That's why I'm a pharmacist, not cook! XD

But hor, Dad said he preffered my version to Keyaki's!!!!! Cause my one tasted much better wor!!!!!! Woohuhuhu.... Kembang dao~

Yala yala... I know he was just trying to console me and give encouragement lah. Ish...

Mum suggested pan-frying the roll-ups first the next time I cook. I had that in mind as well actually. Teehehe... =P

EDIT: Xin asked me to add this. "Mum, Sir! Me Maria~ Me can cook nice hwood. See see the pikture I ambik! Me can speak Engrish also. And Sir, me can strip dance also kalau mau~ *wink wink*" Grrrrrrrrrr.....

她和他的故事

四天前，竟然又让我再遇见了她。顿时，不知所措。反复在脑海里演练了无数次的情景，并没有上演。心里，不禁责备自己老实不争气。。。

唉。。。毕竟时隔已久，心里的憎恨，厌恶，恶心，怨气，气愤，悲伤，痛苦，哀伤，已经被埋藏到心里最灰暗的角落里了。或许，它们变得迟钝了，一时来不及觉醒。

我想，她在我生命中留下的阴影，是我花一辈子都抹之不去的吧。。。

恨一个人的确是很累的。所以，我也已经尽我的全力忘掉过去。但是，心里的那个结，我想只有在我彻彻底底地复了一次仇后才能被解开吧。。。

那么，复仇的形式又是什么呢？说得好听是复仇，实际上它幼稚得可以！甚至连我自己都不明白我怎么会这么执著。我只是想当着她的面说出一番难听的话，让她也尝试一次被人羞辱至自尊心受创却还不明白自己到底犯了什么错的美好滋味！！！

哈哈。。。可笑吧？幼稚吧？愚蠢吧？

自几年前开始我便已经在等待这个机会了，却始终砰不上。等到砰上时，在那一瞬间我竟然犹豫我是否应该没骨气地望向她点点头，微微笑。幸好这个没出息的动作因以前所受的种种委屈在脑海里突然一闪而过而被及时收回了。还好。。不然我想我大概会后悔一辈子吧。。。

当时，父母正下着车准备去处理一些事情。她自老远便瞧见他们了。正如她一贯虚伪的作风，她友善地跟他们打了个招呼。我紧张兮兮地躲在车内，思考对策。她似乎知道我就在车内，绕了一圈来到车前！

由于心中的阴影实在太根深蒂固了，我低头，害怕与她四目对望。终于鼓起勇气抬起头时，她正往前行走，但也看见了我。她举起手微笑向我打招呼，但脚步没有停下。我没有反应，只是面无表情地斜眼凝视着她。我不爽地白了她一眼。可惜，她转头了，没看见。

我不禁猜测她到底知不知道我是因为讨厌她才会有如此反应，还是纯粹以为我只是眼睛贴邮票，没看见她！我希望也乐观地认为是前者。虽然称不上报仇，但至少我让她了解了我的不满，showed了attitude，并让她少少地不快活过，即便只有那么一次！嘿，我不再是那个只会默默承受一切的懦弱小女生了，OK？！你能拿我怎样，哼？

我不确定我还会不会再见到她，也不确定我的“复仇大计”会否落实。我知道我幼稚，但至少现下我心里舒坦多了。。。我想，我可能永远都无法原谅她。但是，我会尽力。毕竟，人是会改变的。而且，我也厌倦了背负着这个沉重的包袱来过日子。好累。。。

.........................................................................................

他，是大概两年半前在网上结识的。当时，Facebook还没出现，Friendster风靡一时。他便是在Friendster那儿add了我的。

他附带msg说，想和我做朋友。我surf了一下他的profile，发现他也是Batu Pahat人，而且也在KL求学。真巧！一时觉得好玩，便接受了他的add，也回了msg给他。

从此，我们便时常有Friendster msg上的来往。他给了我他的电话号码，并向我要我的。我委婉地拒绝了。毕竟，对于一个女孩子来说，轻易地把电话号码交给一个陌生的男生是一件危险的事。

后来，他生日了。我寄了封sms给他。也因此，他有了我的电话号码。他偶尔会寄sms给我，和我聊上几句。我想当时我才sem3吧。不知死活，每天根本都没有在读书。反正闲着也是闲着，所以我也不介意有多个人陪我无聊。谈得也还算投机。

有一天，谈着谈着，他突然要求和我出来见个面。此时，我没有半点犹豫就退缩了。老实说，我从来都不相信网上交友这回事。太难了吧！怎么有可能能够对一个你完全不了解的人如此信任呢？不论他或她在网上说得如何天花乱坠，也无从证实那是真实或是乱掰的啊！何况，我们不也常常在报章上看见一些因网上交友而被骗财骗色的个案吗？

我知道蔡智恒的《第一次的亲密接触》有多凄美。但是，或许是中小学时一些不开心的往事使然，我变得很难对人产生信任，不可能像轻舞飞扬那般的单纯。

所以我回复他说，我是个女孩子，单独出来见面感觉上还蛮危险的。反正IMU外也有个LRT站，如果他真想见面，不如就来IMU吧。我顺便也可以介绍一些朋友给他认识，开拓他的社交圈子。

我忘了他回复我什么。总之，这件事就此不了了之。后来，他也就没联络我了。Sem4时根本就忙死了，我压根儿早就把这件事给忘得一干二净了。但依稀记得我出国前，他好似有寄过几封sms来，而我也简短地和他聊了聊。

原本就已经没有主动联络他的习惯了，后来电话在Mid Valley的KTM站被偷后，他简直是从我的人生中彻底地消失了。

出国后，不知疯得多开心哪，哪会记得他的存在？回国后，更不用说了。几乎每天都在为posting的事忙和烦。

三天前，突然收到一封不知名的简讯，内容是以华语书写的。我这个在UK才刚换的电话，是个不折不扣的banana啊！怎会看得懂华语呢？于是，我礼貌的询问来讯人的身份与简讯的内容，心想八成是寄错了的吧。

没想到，是他。

挺讶异的。毕竟事隔已经太久了。当看见名字时，我还迟疑了一会儿，才想起是他…

他说我多半忘了他是谁，我说我没有并且还准确地说出了他的生日月份。闲聊起来，才发现他原来也刚从UK毕业回来！不过，他去的是Sheffield。虽然他有来过Glasgow，不过和大多数人一样，对于Glasgow的印象只有一个boring可以形容。哈哈…

聊着聊着，他说他不久后将会去新加坡谋生。他希望我们两个能在各自开始工作前至少出来见一次面。问我觉得怎样？

Uh oh …真糟糕！即便是去了UK之后，我还是没打算和他见面呀！

所以，我又再一次委婉地拒绝了他。这次的理由是，没有transportation。他说不如搭巴士吧，因为他也没有transportation。我说我从小到大都还不曾搭过本国的公共巴士呢！而且，也太危险了吧！他说，也对，对女孩子来说的确是危险了点。我说，算了吧，反正如果我们是会见面的，迟早都是会见面的。

心里正暗喜我又escape了一次时，他就没有回复了。直到今天为止都是。

纳闷！哎，谁说只有女人才难了解？

你看吧。说他是个网上骗子，又不太像。酱得空骗我两年骗不到还不放弃咩？说他纯粹只想交个朋友，可是为什么在每次我婉拒见面了之后他都立刻落个无声无息？说他想要玩玩，找个从网友变成朋友的女生，又不像。上网的女生成千上万。愿意和他出来见个面的肯定大把啦。何必这么执著？

纳闷，纳闷！

写下他的故事的原因，就是因为不了解。嗯…有没有人能够解答我的疑问呢？这到底是个怎么样的情形？我的处理手法到底对不对？如果你是我的话，你又会怎么做呢？希望没有伤害到人也没有造成不必要的误会…

Posting larh...

Weehee~ Know where I will be posted to dy... Not going to tell u now lar. Bleh! Haha.. Read till the end of this post first mah... =P

Knew from last night that the posting results for my lot would be out this morning. Kah Yee was the first to inform me that she would be posted to HKL. Then Cheah Voon and many many more. Everyone asked me for my posting in turn.

Told them I was in no mood to check yet. Scare scare ma. Wahlao!! Immediately kena bombed dao!!! Aksed me fai fai call lah, dun wuliao lah, cursed me kena Sabah lah and etc etc.

Ouchy!!! Wuwu... 人缘 bad dao~ T_T

But I memang like this wuliao since last time liao de lah.. I also dunno why leh.. PP3 & sem6 results I also waited till I shiok shiok only I checked.. In fact, even the freaking scary final year results also like that leh.. Heard the opposite house screaming & shouting like Zoo Negara (Pei Fung and co., if u know what I meant. Kakaka.. XD oopsy!!) so immediately I knew results were out. Told my housemates and all of them rushed to room to check their results online.

As for me, I lengang-lengang into room to finish watching the episode of Gossip Girl that I just buffered. Then bathed, applied Calamine cream (stupiak chicken pox that time ma), combed hair nice nice, baru I sat down and prepared to log into Spider. Kena bombed by housemates nonetheless.. They were even more kancheong over my results than I did. Haha...

Hmm.. It's not that I dun care le. I was very very kancheong de. Heart like "pik pok pik pok" like that.. stomach ache somemore.. But I just wanted to get mentally prepared first before I rushed into checking the results le. Like today, I waited until I was comfortable and mentally well-prepared enough that if I were to hear this:

"Cik Chua, kau dapat Kelantan/Terengganu/Sarawak/Sabah."

I would go

"Oh well, WTF. This is fate. Accept it and start packing ur @$$ off."

instead of shouting into the phone

"HAAARR?????!!! Apa???!! KENAPA SAYA?!! Tak ala dalam pilihan saya lah!!! Boleh rayu? Macam mana lah encik?? Tolonglah, encik.. Jangan bagi saya boleh tak??? Minta tolong lah..."

So u see the reason why? U see the better reaction in handling the same situation? That's why I was so "bah bai" + wuliao le.. Haha.. It's due to the lack of confidence!! The worry that I might not get what I wanted so badly!!

Oh well.. Anyway, I sent out sms to almost the whole kampung immediately after knowing my posting. I have been posted to... *drums rolling*

JOHOR!!!!!~~~ *clap clap clap clap clap*

It's my first choice!! It's the state that I asked for!!!!! Thanks God!!!!! I am sooooo grateful!!!!! =)

Still dunno which part of Johor I will be working at. Gotta laporkan diri at Kementerian Kesihatan Johor first. Dunno the lapor date as well. Either 16th Oct or 1st Nov ba. Gotta wait for the posting letter first. Hehehe... =)

OK lah.. I wanna go exercise liao. Damn shitty lah.. Put on 3kg after returning from UK. GOSH!!!!! I'm at the borderline of becoming obese!!! Sis even called me "Eh, fat girl"!!! Uugh!! What the... Shikitty shit shit!!! Dun wanna blog liao. Depressed dy.. Tata!!

EDIT: KKM just informed HeHe Sheong that the posting results announced on the 25th had been declared invalid due to some changes. Uugh!!! Asked to call back again after 16th Oct!! Ding Diow...

ShAMe O' sHamE

Oh, man!! This is soooo true!! A national shame, indeed. Ughh...

http://malaysia.news.yahoo.com/afp/20080918/tts-malaysia-transport-taxi-506e7eb.html

Diary of a (Part-time) Housewife

Mum fell sick yesterday...

She was feverish and suffering from flu. She stayed in the room and slept most of the time. So I took over her role in the family.

Mum washed a load of clothes before going to sleep. So I collected the clothes, folded them, swept the floor, and prepared teatime for both dad and myself. After that, I made ABC porridge for mum to have as dinner. Cooked 3 days' portion. Fried an egg as well.

Sis came back early, worried over mum's condition. She dabao-ed some dishes back but it wasn't enough for the whole family. So I cooked rice, and fried eggs again.

Freaking tired after that. Didn't even have much appetite for dinner. Cleaned the stove and washed some dishes after that somemore. =S

Luckily mum got better. So it was a relief to all of us... cause we can hand all the housechores back to her again... Kakaka.. Of course not lah!!! It's because she's feeling better and getting well lah... XD

Moral of the story,

IT'S NOT EASY BEING A HOUSEWIFE EH!!!!!

Read about an article in a Singaporean magazine yesterday. It said some researchers in the UK conducted a study and found out that an averaged housewife works for at least 9hours everyday!!!!! No weekend break, no MC, no public holidays, no annual leaves!!!!! And if they were paid for what they do each day according to the market price, they would have earned S$90,000 a year, equivalent to the pay of a senior executive in Singapore!!!!!

OMG!!!!! Our mums are sooooo rich!!!!! If only they were paid lah... Kakaka... XP

See? That's how much work and effort our mums put into the family le. So, ppl, make sure u love ur mum more and pamper her with all that she asks of u, k? Sayang sayang her, hug hug her, kiss kiss her... just do whatever u can to make her feel ur love, k? Mums are noble!!!!! =)

领悟

表面上看起来越快乐的人，内心其实越感伤。。。

是真的。。。

没有被表达出来的难过，其实才是最痛苦的。。。

WHATEVER

Went to the hospitals for the compulsory medical check-up few days ago. Gosh! What efficiency? What lesser waiting time? Just doing a urine test & a chest X-Ray took them 2 hours. Somemore they had to conduct these 2 simple tests in 2 different hospitals that are 10 minutes away from each other by driving, without traffic jam. WTH? Dad and I were famished by the time they were done. I still have to go back to the hospital for some raba-raba of dada physical check-up on the 9th. Gosh, another round of waiting.

Wei Meng's fav quote, "Human beings spend a third of their lives waiting..."

Too many patients too little seats. So the patients ended up crowding at the registration counter. In order to overwrite the background noise level, the nurses talked through a mic, which was connected to 2 amplifiers. They used that to call upon patient whose turn was next but they conveniently left the mic on while talking face to face to the ppl at the counter.

Now the WHOLE WORLD knows my name. Now the WHOLE WORLD knows I was there to do medical check-up. Now the WHOLE WORLD knows I did a urine test & a chest-X ray. They even put my urine test report so casually on the registration counter, with the results facing upwards, as if inviting the eyes of all to look. So now ALMOST the WHOLE WORLD also knows what my urine was composed of.

Privacy? Patient's confidentiality? My foot. What if I was there for STD? What if I was there for Methadone? What if I was there for teenage pregnancy???

Did I also mention that there is definitely no lining-up whatsoever culture here? I thought I should let the ppl who came before me to settle their issues first. So I waited patiently. But ppl who came after me kept squeezing in, and pushing me backwards. Why? Because they knew if they didn't, they would have to wait for as long as I did!

So I waited & waited and finally I was the one standing right in front of the counter. Did I get served immediately? No! I realized that the nurses did not care how early u came or how long u had waited. The priority of being greeted first was given to ppl with "hat". U have no "hat"? Then u wait lah! The nurses saw me waiting, but ignored me. Ppl who squeezed in later, but with "hat", got served although their issues were much more complicated when compared to mine. I just wanted to hand in my forms! The nurses rather went up & down searching for a lost medical card (of course of ppl with "hat" lah) than simply taking in my form. WTF? What's more, 6 to 7 nurses were sitting & CHIT-CHATTING at the table behind the busy counter. Were they blind that they couldn't see the huge crowd forming? What were they paid for??? WTFFFFF!!!??

Effective patient communication doesn't matter here. The nurses got impatient, irritated & annoyed freaking farking super easily. U only accept what they have told u. U don't ask questions. They start frowning with that kinda "Apa lagi?? Bodohlah engkau!!" facial expression the moment u deliver the 2nd question. Can u imagine the fear & inferiority some elderly patients, particularly those who can barely speak Malay, must have felt? As if they have done something extremely wrong! So they stop asking question. So they stop telling problems. So they dun understand what their drugs are for. So they dunno how & when to take their medications. So they become incompliant. So they dun tell even when their medications are causing troubles. So they continue/stop taking medicaitons. So they die of taking the inappropriate/not taking medications!!!!! Can u see how serious the problem can become???!!

WHAT A SHAME!!!!!

Pls, nurses! Remember ur role as a healthcare proffessional. Remember ur passion & aspiration when u first entered the field. Remember urself as a role-model to ur juniors. Remember that u are here to serve!!

I love this country. It is totally heart-breaking to see the healthcare system in this state. I hope changes could be made. I hope attitudes could be rectified. I hope one day, all of us could feel proud of the healthcare system in our country...

BeaRs' t@lK

Yup, as u have probably known, I'm in Singapore now. Stay at home most of the time. What to do? The sales are over. Without discount, I sometimes find the things here even more expensive than UK's standard!!!!! Surprisingly, huh? And I thought I would be spending money like water.. Ah cheh!!~

So, what to do at home? I accompany parents out for lunch everyday and fyi, Singapore's hawker's food not nice de lor =( Expensive somemore, ish.. Then, we go to supermarket to get ingredients for dinner and come back home. We have teatime and watch TV. I then sweep the floor and cook for dinner together with mum. After dinner, we watch TV again. Sometimes supper sometimes no.

Omg AUNTY DAO!!!!!~~~ XP XP XP XP XP

What to do? No fren here leh, except for Xin Hui. But we stay very far away from each other lah.. Haven't even met up once ever since we are here. Sob..Luckily I have my bears to play with. XD Only left with 2 bears. Mum brought the rest back to hometown dy. Now let me introduce them to u. Tada~ (Bi, u can stop reading from this point onwards XD)

Everybody says Hi to Rody!!~

Now to Kang Kang!!~

*Courtesy of mentee, Zi Kang* =)

Rody is a London cop. He always watches me to sleep at night to make sure no bad person comes bully me. XD

Kang Kang and Rody are very good frens. They take good care of each other.

They "bear hug" almost everyday.. XD

*Sis says they are gay de. Celaka...*

Singapore is really too hot for them liao. They miss London and their home (Harrods) very very de much...

They always look out of the window thinking of their frens in the UK..

Wakakaka.. What? Bears really do talk, okay? *Sayang-sayang-ing my bears* XD XD

P/S. Am still using my old hp number but the credit has expired. Will only reload the credit when I am back in Msia. My mum's hp pulak something wrong. Sorry if I didn't reply ur msg ya. My laptop Dong Dong was away for servicing for the past few days. That's why I couldn't online, too. Sorry ya!! =)