"Sometimes you're just too sensitive..."
Well, I KNOW I'm very sensitive sometimes...
Not the first time being told this already,
but it still hurt
especially if it comes from the ones u care most.
I too HATE myself for being so sensitive,
but I dunno what I can do about it.
I wonder if my sensitivity is caused by caring too much. I care about how others feel. I dun wan anyone to feel hurt. I want to be considerate. I want everyone around me to feel happy. I'm just trying my best!
But being caring = being sensitive to ppl's happiness and sadness. But being sensitive can sometimes lead to hypersensitivity. And hypersensitivity ALWAYS leads to misunderstanding.
When ppl need to be cared, u try to provide them with that. But sometimes ppl appreciate, sometimes they don't. And when they don't, they find it a bother. Maybe I tried too hard? I dunno.
Yes, I understand what I feel best for others might not be what they want.
I wish I could be care-free. I wish I could be ignorant. I wish I could be indifferent towards everyone and everything around me.
But wouldn't that make me a cold-blooded creature? What's more, experiences already prove to me that when I become indifferent, ppl think I don't care for them anymore. Ppl feel hurt.
Ppl EXPECT u to understand!!!
Care also wrong, don't care also wrong. What the??? Got such thing like care abit bit and don't care abit bit ah?? When's the right time to care and to not??
Stuck in the middle of nowhere. Just like my current situation. Idle in life. Not moving forward nor going backward. Just stuck in a stage of life that I'm not totally comfortable with. Emptiness. With no aim.
I think the frustration, uncertainty, fear, pressure, and problems bothering me are the causes of my hypersensitivity lately. I feel depressed. I'm upset most of the time.
Just because I don't say it out it doesn't mean I've got nothing to worry about!
No suitable one is there to tell... No one is there to understand...
Trying too hard to act tough and care for others at the same time. I'm tired.
Could somebody pls tell me what to do? To being indifferent but caring? To being caring but not over sensitive? To not being annoying??
L.O.S.E.R
P/S.: Xin, if u happen to be reading this, do u know if there's anything to listen to or chant at to find peace in mind? If u don't, could u pls ask ur mum on my behalf? Being a devoted Buddhist, I believe she knows something about this. Thanks very much...
6 comments:
PeiLing..we have d same b'day, (tho not same yr) we are typical TAURUSian..i understand ur "hypersensitivity";i used to have this feeling(wern knew tat),i agree tat "being caring=being sensitive to ppl's happiness and sadness".BUT sometimes we r unable to control our inner thinking and emotion,cos WE REALLY CARE!to avoid hurting ur beautiful heart,told urself tat u have try ur best to care tat person,if she/he did not appreciate it is their LOSE,not urs.Paying too much attention to a particular person will make u neglect frens around u who care for u,isn't a waste?
No pain,no gain.Take this as the process of growing up,as time flies u will know how "silly" u r to hurt ur fragile heart due to hypersensitivity to some1.
*xoxo* Jia You Chua Pei Ling!
Hey, hazel. Thanks so much. Din know u actually read my blog. Hehe.. Happy.. =)
I understand what u're telling me. But call me fan4 jian4 or what, it's never that easy to give up on someone whom u really really care for. If it's that easy, we wouldn't have cared so much for that person in the first place already. Especially for us taurusian. Super stubborn, and never give up on someone/something unless it's the last option. Right?
And as we care for someone, we care about how he/she thinks about us. And we become sensitive. Sigh...
Anyway, thanks for listening to my grumble and giving good advice. Thanks thanks. Muacks & hugz... =)
Gal, if u need someone to talk to, i'll always be there for u..as always. I promise i'll be a good listener! Wun be so emo like i used to. We might not be able to meet so often now, but i do CARE for you!
Gal, i hope im not the one causing u so much pain. Do tell me if m the one. Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee!
Be strong gal! You'l always have my fullest support!
Love ya deep deep. Mwah
Oh, no no!! U're not the one, gal!! Seriously!! Aiks.. Don't think too much, gal. Sorry if I made u misunderstood that u were the one. So sorry.. XP
Anyway, I'm ok dy now. Don't worry. Done emo-ing dy. Lol.. I know u care very much for me and will always be there for me. I do appreciate it very very much de. Really! Thanks, gal! =)
Love ya deep deep, too. Muacks! =)
Chua Pei,
*big big bear hugs*
We all are sensitive people, please do not change that part of you. I believe it's something you should be proud off because this is you, Chua Pei Ling. Why change yourself because of others? But you should be changing to be better of you. Don’t run, stand up again. Hazel has helped me understand a big part of it really. *Thanks Hazel
I've been asking millions of people and discuss with people whom i wasn't that close to about what i went through my drama and seeking for help, and non gave me the same answer but you do feel good when you know they do give you their full attention when you cry out loud. I was very surprise and regret silently to those who gave me such support, because they were the one who i didn't appreciate them as much as i should. But it was warm.
Your thought will be always changing, so no one solution is correct. You’ll soon find out what works for you.
#Fact 1: Time Heals.
But how fast it heals depends on who were the one that gave you the helping hand when in time of needs ^^
Do bear in mind that when you’re in rage/ when you’re not thinking clearly, you won’t be speaking as who you are and higher chances you might even hurt another person.
Give each other some space and things will work out naturally. There’s no perfect planning anyway.
It is ok to cry, coz it relieves your inner self, we are human, we all change, this is normal (I cried when you overnight at my place btw, but tried my best to hide it coz it wasn’t from you and I pretend to be strong, you knew i creid anyway. Thinking back now, this is stupid =p). However even though that person knew you were crying. No matter what that person tries to do to cheer you up, you’ll never recover the wound that have been stabbed on. Rather you might tend to run, DON”T. Though that is the person who hurt you…badly running/ avoiding solve nothing.
You might be thinking of giving up on that person and decided that no matter what happen to them is none of your shit business. But.. you couldn’t somehow, you still don’t want to lose them. This is you Pei Ling. You care.
#Fact 2: Life’s not fair.
You know where the person stands in your life but you should also find out where you actually stand in that person’s life. One way relationship does not last, apart from family. One hand does not clap. You should reconsider the relationship. I believe what happens in the past is history, nice to look at but what is more important is to work on the present. Make the best out of it! work things out together.
#Face 3: Chua Pei, many cares for you.
What you did was stretching out your hand, whatever you’ve done for other is never wasted. You have us! Distance is never a problem for a person who is worth it. ^^
Your heart heals when you have the courage to face your fear.
*courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear.
*The strength of a person who fell and then stands back up is way stronger then those who never lose before.
You’ll stand up stronger when you know what’s important to you….but don’t take too long to find out what’s that ya.
If you have time, spend more time with kids. They always inspire me, always.
Read my FW mails too! And think of Xin-
Love,
xxxx
Hey, Cheok XIn! Thanks for the wonderful advice. I have thought over it seriously. I think I get what u were trying to tell me. Thanks very much... =)
Btw, u're still the same Cheok Xin. Ever so nice and generous to others, ever so forgiving. =)
And hey! I haven't been receiving ur fwd mails lately leh.. What happened ya? Thought u're super free over there in biro? XD XD
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